hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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