Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
