dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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