They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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