Ambien. No doubt about it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
