were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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