i already hear my dad disowning me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize