Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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