hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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