I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
