I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize