Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
