No stitches, just platelets and will power
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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