He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
