I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
