But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
