on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
