New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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