I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
