Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These tits shall not be calmed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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