Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
