Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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