I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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