The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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