Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
