You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
