You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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