I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
