i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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