No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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