I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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