And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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