capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
