U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
