I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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