please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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