If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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