why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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