I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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