This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
