At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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