I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it because I queefed?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
