I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have post one night stand depression
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
