It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
