2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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