Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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