Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
