And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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