You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
