I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize