how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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