she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
