i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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