wanna go halves on a baby?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My feet surprised me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize