I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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