Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
