Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize