well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
