My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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