I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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