Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
