yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
