I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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