So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
