I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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