I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
