Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This house was built for laser tag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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