i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
