this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
