I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
