I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
