I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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