Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
