Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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